I have struggled with my motivation over the last few days. I became increasingly sure that I was a fat idiot, whose fruitless attempts to either get fit, or loose weight were making me a fool. I headed out for a night out with my husband’s friends and arrived only to find that they’ve all lost weight. I stood, feeling enormous and ridiculous for most of the evening until eventually my husband made one joke at the expense of my attempts to run too many, and I fled in tears to a taxi and headed home.

That was Friday night.

On Saturday, though it scarcely seems possible, I actually felt worse. I was just as miserable, only now I was hung over too. I settled for having a blazing row with Mr K (actually, I just sat on a sofa eating a bit of toast while he shouted loudly what a total ‘twat’, direct quote, I was for offering to pay to have the floor re-surfaced, being upset by his anti-running jibes and for not picking up dog poo).

He can, of course, fuck off.

Which brings us to Sunday. Though I hardly felt like it, I had marked Sunday out for a ‘Long run’, which is, for me, anything of 3 miles or over. I dillied and dallied and flapped about finding equipment and generally put off the ‘going out and actually running’ portion of the day. Eventually, when it became clear that my water bottle was full, my Ipod charged, my socks adjusted and my mad hair restrained, I humphed out of the door.

And bugger me if I didn’t have luvly run. Well, it’s a relative measurement of luvly of course, because it still involved running and pain and so on… but I did 4 miles, I ran for nearly a whole hour… I overtook all the walkers with very little sense of shame and (and this was exciting) I was surprised come to the finish – I’d thought I’d still got half a mile or so to go.

Verrrr exciting stuff.

Still in lots of pain though, and had to sit with my legs elevated and bags of peas on them for half an hour or so (my Knees-Peas, as the kids called them).

I’m sure Evil Bob will knock the smugness out of me tomorrow with some bastardly uphill jaunt or something…

… but for now I’m quietly satisfied that I’m better than I was at the start. And that’s all I can ask for really innit?